glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
