It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
