I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
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