Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
