thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
The maid of honor just puked.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
