last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
there's paper in my vomit.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
