So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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