kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Randomize
