I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
