im drinking this country out of the recession.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
