She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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