Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
