Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
