we have officially lost it.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Randomize
