his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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