i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
