ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
