I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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