the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
