We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
