the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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