Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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