He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
