I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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