don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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