god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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