I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
