Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize