Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
