does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Do you still have your period?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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