What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He passed out mid-signature
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
