she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
