Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
