i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
You ruined the universe
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
