Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
