I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It's blow job season.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize