absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
