I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
