the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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