we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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