I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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