We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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