i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
