There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
