I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
