She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
This toilet bowl is my home.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
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