I love black thongs
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
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