You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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