Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
