Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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