ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
