Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Randomize
