I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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