dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
