Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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