The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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