i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Randomize
