I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
