there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I am naked and annoyed.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
