I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
