there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
