I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Randomize
