All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I want to be your penis for a week.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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