hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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